Words cannot even begin to express how sorry I am for the type of worthless and meaningless life I’ve lived.
I’ve not only squandered and wasted countless opportunities to lead a better, more productive, profitable, and enjoyable life over the years, but I’ve also failed to appreciate the many blessings I do have and have taken for granted throughout the course of my unappreciative and self-absorbed life.
I’ve had numerous opportunities presented and given to me others could only dream of throughout the rest of the world.
I’ve not only been an embarrassment and liability to my family and friends, but also to my country and society as well.
If I were to die at this very moment, I can honestly say and without being melodramatic, I’m not sure anyone would even miss me.
I’ve lived a loveless and selfish life devoid of any real love, compassion, or forgiveness for others and that’s why I call myself a loser and justifiably so.
I am a weak and flawed man ... a man filled with many temptations.
Temptations I've routinely given in to such as sexual desire, lust, greed, fear, vanity, cowardess, dishonesty, hatred, selfishness, gambling, self-pity, pornography, theft, envy, and laziness to name just a few.
P.S. I'm the person underneath the bear costume ... why and how I ended up there is another story for another day .
34 comments:
Journies are rarely a waste of time:
Right on Time (Randy Travis)
It's not my nature to be patient
I jump every river I cross
Not one for following the sensible side
And I can't count the times I've been lost.
Well, you can't see where you're goin' in the pourin' rain
When you're runnin' into walls and feeling no pain
We've all done time with the devil and I've done mine
It took a while to get here but, I'm right on time.
I may still regret some moments
But it's just part of a right
I count myself among the fortunate ones
Who made it to the other side.
Well, you go what you go through to get where you are
Lucky for me I didn't go too far
I turned around before the end of the line
Took a while to get here but, I'm right on time.
Well, you can't see where you're goin' in the pourin' rain
When you're runnin' into walls and feeling no pain
We've all done time with the devil and I've done mine
It took a while to get here but, I'm right on time.
It took a while to get here but, I'm right on time...
God has you here, in this place and time to serve and glorify Him! He works all things together for good for those who love Him. Don't let the devil let you dwell on your past, even Jesus said think of NOW. God has the past present and future all taken care of...cool, eh? BigSis
What we learn in life, we teach to others. The good times and the bad times all make us grow.
Jesus is our Rock and He will guide us if we let Him.
You have a purpose and that purpose is to serve the Lord. He will reward you and then you'll hurt no more.
Your teaching comes with powerful words that others will listen to. Keep up the great work.
Cliff
(PS)Well, I listened to your Music, and I must say it is a beautiful version of Silent Night. I enjoy Celtic music as well.
We all can change and make something out of our lives. We all were nothing until we let Jesus into our hearts and let the Holy Spirit guide us.
John 15:12 and John 15:13
Are the verses I teach people to look up first when they are new to studying the Bible.
John 15:12 refers to how Jesus wants us all to be and how He wants us to act toward one another.
John 15:13 is what He did for us.
Cliff
This entry almost made me cry. I am not also melodramatic but, i feel how sorry you are for everything. But, you see, God is light. He never closes his arms on those who comes on His side. Just like the FOOTPRINT IN THE SAND....HE is with us all the time. We are all special to GOD.
welcome home! I struggle so much with sin even tho ive been saved 10 years this month...thanks for visiting my blog....really you came at the right time for me I know you don't know what that means...but you just did,you blessed me today and I don't think it was random. YOu reminded me of "things"....so like I said you have no idea but you came at a time when I am feeling vunerable....you reminded me to be true to my convictions....oh this makes no sense, only to me....but for some reason you were sent literally at the right moment! Thank you Jesus!
Hello & God Bless you Paul
The testimony of Jesus's Faithfulness to you & the puppy is absolutely awesome!
We will keep you in our prayers! Thank you Jesus for your healing power to heal and restore lives!
In the Love of Jesus
John & Sheren
Thanks for the blog. I am pleased to have visit my site so I could find yours.
Thanks.
Aren't you glad that our God is the God of the Second Chance? (Jonah, Saul of Tarsus, me, and you?)
What a great story! Thanks for sharing it!
I think we all feel similar to this at times. Paul called himself the "Cheif of sinners" that may have been true, UP UNTIL I came along. God is so good to us!
HORROR
My mother put me in a convent when I was two - I never knew my father. I spent the next 14 years in orphanages in England & Australia.
I discovered alcohol at 16 & pursued it for the next 13 years. I got to AA in 1974, but drank after nearly 11 years sober – marriage break up.
I had my last drink May 1985 by attending AA, but AA wasn’t dealing with my “core issues” – childhood trauma.
I started seeing a counsellor in 1994 - Inner Child & E.M.D.R – to help me process my fear & pain.
The next ten years were a journey of discovery – group therapy, anger management & E. M. D. R. (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing).
I started to feel my fear, pain, shame & grief - suppressed from my childhood. I had plenty of support from others who were on a simiiar path. I was given permission - especially from my counsellor - to process my TERROR!
Four years ago I was wandering around - mental hospital -- completely shattered physically, emotionally and spiritually. The mental torment I was experiencing was absolutely terrifying.
Every waking second, I was having horrifying images from my past. I thought I was being punished for my past sins. My whole life flashed before my eyes and I felt I had failed miserably in my journey through life.
God was slowly penetrating the shield I had put up all those desperate years. I had no “I” - that is what God wanted for me, to become Christ centered, not “I” centered.
There is nothing in this world, but the SAVING GRACE of our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ.
He eventually delivered me from my HELL; when I got down on my knees and asked Him for mercy and forgiveness for my sins.
Praise the Lord!!
I love Jesus !!! One of the countless reasons is that he takes our worthless past and casts it as far as the east is from the west. Now that's good news!!!!
Wow, what a powerful & amazing story! Thank you so much for sharing. Gods love is so amazing and I'm so happy to hear how strong your faith has become!
God Bless,
Jen
Hello Paul!
How did you find my blog all the way from USA? Thank you for loving our Lord so much. I do hope to hear from you on my blog sometime again :)
Wai Jia
ok, I want to hear the bear story.
I can totally relate. But praise the Lord I've realized through God's word what Joyce Meyer often says: "Just because you had bad beginnings, doesn't mean that you can't have a great ending!"
Good luck with the rest of your life and journey. :-)
Jesus is always with us.
GOD IS USING YOU! Bear suit and all.
We all waste our life before Jesus comes into our lives and transforms us. I too was molested and spent many years depressed, angry, and bitter. But God never wastes pain. He uses it ALL for his glory, to bring others to him.
Regret is time spent wasting what Jesus died to give us. A new life, transformed by him to serve him.
Glorify him and what he has done, forget your past sins, mistakes and failures and walk in him. He lives in you now. 1 John 4:4 and 1 John 5:4-5
Paul said to leave your past in the past. Amen there is wisdom in that.
Thank you God for Paul's life. Every part of it. Because even the bad parts of his life were part of your plan to show him that without You, he (like me) can't do anything.
Thank you.
Wow. I was totally transfixed by this post. Praise the Lord. What an amazing work he started in your life and is continuing to do.
You may feel like a looser, like you've completely messed up everything, and that God can't possibly have a use for you, because you're just so messed up.
BUT, you know what the awesome thing is?
If you've truly accepted Jesus in your heart, then none of it matters! Every last little thing has been wiped away. God doesn't even remember it.
So what you need to do is get out of the past, stop dwelling on those wasted oppurtunites and missed chances and to look FORWARD. Look ahead to all the things you can do for the Lord. Keep your eyes fixed on HIm and trust in HIm to know what's best for you.
Trust me, it's the ONLY way to live.
Your testimony was riveting. God's hand was on every part of that walk to and back from the spot where you planned to kill yourself. He sent that deer, that puppy, those strangers and the DVDs in such way that they simply cannot be explained by chance - and He did that so that we would all see His hand print on what happened to you. Thank you so very much for sharing it!! I don't believe in coincidences - you're living proof of that.
And how boundlessly, without merit the Father loves you!
Sounds like you are a kid at heart.
Thanks for sharing your stories. Right now, I am going through a struggle of my own. Barely making ends meet right now. However, God is always there as my provider and that one thing that no one can take away from me.
What a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing - it's a great reminder of why we are here. God Bless you.
Remember that when you asked Jesus Christ into your life, he forgave you for all of your sins. Now you are starting out fresh. You have a new life!
Don't spend your time worrying or wishing that you could redo something in the past because what is gone doesn't matter anymore. What matters now is that you do your very best to love God and love others.
Looks like God has big plans for you.
Hi Thankful Paul. uplifting to hear your story about your encounter with the Lord Jesus and how He has changed your life. God bless you. Keep the faith and the love walk. I will be looking to read from you.
This is Shabak from fitpraize, whose blog you made tentative comment on
Grateful Paul: I am so blessed to know you. Thank you for that beautiful and miraculous story. We have similiar backgrounds, but, praise God, have been saved by it all through the blood of Jesus. Above & Beyond Kathy :D
You've touched MY life!
I would miss you, Paul. So please don't "go anywhere". :) You're writing is inspirational and deep and real and honest. There are very few people who would share all that you have. You're a hell of a man! I'm glad that you've found God. I'm not too much into the bible itself but i KNOW God does exist and He controls everything. Let Him guide you every day, just as He did the day that you saved Lily; the day HE saved YOU! You're awesome!
Post a Comment